Sweatpants are objectively more practical than jeans.

Yes, you heard me sweatpants.

These days, everyone wears sweatpants in public, and some people view this trend in a negative light. I, however, believe this is a shift in the right direction.

Let me give you an example: say you’re going to a party. You’ll be dancing, walking around, and telling everyone how much you love that one scene in Warrior Cats where a cat’s stomach gets ripped open. Which article of clothing is more practical in this situation?

Sweatpants are the clear winner. They’re more flexible, breathable, and comfortable. But let’s compare this to a more demanding scenario (for the clothing, at least).

Picture this: you’re driving into the unknown, hacking and slashing your way through the wilderness. Ticks, wolves, and monsters threaten your every move. Humanity’s fate rests on your shoulders as you search for the battery that powers the nuclear reactor hidden in the undergrowth. If you fail, all hope is lost…

Okay, fine. In this case, I begrudgingly admit jeans would be the better option. Sturdy material, decent durability and what they lack in flexibility, they make up for in withstanding wolf bites.

But seriously, how often do you find yourself in this scenario? Maybe I’m being dramatic, but unless you’re working in the woods all day, what really is the utility of jeans?

When you’re sitting at your desk typing during an office job, your clothing isn’t going to rip, and you won’t be attacked by wolves. The only reason we still cling to this practice is because, at some point, someone decided jeans were “professional.”

But why can’t “professional” also mean “practical”?

Why do I always have to start my emails with:

“Dear my beloved Professor Cattington,”

…when they already know I’m addressing the email to them? It’s just impractical tradition disguised as “professionalism.”

But alas, so is the way of life, some things we’re just never meant to know.

yours truely,
CoastalWolf